The Geeks' Guide to World Domination Read online

  To Kristi. Geeks have hope.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  INTRODUCTION

  GREAT MOMENTS IN DADA

  “PROOF” THAT 2 = 1

  SEVEN KICK-ASS MARTIAL ARTS MOVES YOU CAN DO WITHOUT INJURING YOURSELF

  SEVEN COMMON JEOPARDY! CATEGORIES

  SIX ENGLISH PHRASES YOU CAN SPELL ON A BASIC CALCULATOR

  VERY COOL PARASITIC BEHAVIORS

  THREE APPLICATIONS OF GAME THEORY

  FIVE SECRET SOCIETIES YOU CAN JOIN

  HOW TO ASK FOR THE RESTROOM IN TWELVE LANGUAGES

  CONSTELLATIONS OF THE NORTHERN HEMISPHERE IN SUMMER

  FIVE CLASSIC THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS YOU CAN DO WITHOUT GETTING OUT OF BED

  SIX CHESS OPENINGS WITH COOL NAMES

  ASIMOV'S THREE LAWS OF ROBOTICS

  THE THREE BASIC PRINCIPLES OF ECONOMICS

  FIVE LATIN PHRASES TO SHOUT WHILE RIDING INTO BATTLE

  A SAM LOYD PICTURE PUZZLE

  SIX BAR BETS YOU CAN WIN

  FIVE UNSOLVED PROBLEMS IN MATHEMATICS

  THREE MULTIPLICATION TRICKS YOU CAN DO IN YOUR HEAD

  GET RICH (NOT SO) QUICK: COMPOUND INTEREST CALCULATOR

  A SAM LOYD ALGEBRA PUZZLE

  THREE REAL-WORLD PROBLEMS YOU CAN SOLVE WITH THE PYTHAGOREAN THEOREM (A2 + B2 = C2)

  THE QUOTABLE YODA

  NINE AUSTRALIAN ANIMALS MOST PEOPLE THINK ARE FAKE

  HOW TO BOX-STEP

  FOUR RULES OF LOGIC

  HOW TO COUNT CARDS: THE MIT BLACKJACK TEAM

  HOW TO READ A CHINESE ABACUS

  HOW LONG YOU CAN SLEEP ON YOUR ARM WITHOUT LOSING IT

  THE HIGHEST-SCORING WORDS IN SCRABBLE

  HOW TO BREW YOUR OWN BEER

  THREE SPELLING RULES YOU LEARNED AND THEN QUICKLY FORGOT

  THE TINKERTOY COMPUTER

  THINGS THAT WILL MAKE YOUR BRAIN HURT I: EINSTEIN'S SPECIAL RELATIVITY

  PATENT YOUR INVENTION IN SIX EASY STEPS (!)

  THE WORLD'S BEST CORNFIELD AND HEDGE MAZES

  SEVEN MATERIALS-SCIENCE BLUNDERS THAT BECAME EVERYDAY PRODUCTS

  GREAT MOMENTS IN PSEUDOSCIENCE

  USELESS STATS OF FAMOUS PIRATES

  THE BASICS OF EXTRATERRESTRIAL DETECTION

  A SAM LOYD PICTURE PUZZLE

  TEN SPORTS REQUIRING ALMOST NO PHYSICAL EXERTION

  FOUR OF HISTORY'S GREATEST HEISTS

  SIXTEEN ESOTERIC TEXT MESSAGE ABBREVIATIONS

  TÊTE DE VEAU: A RECIPE FOR A TRULY DISTURBED FRENCH FOOD

  TWO LIKELY OPTIONS FOR A SECOND EARTH

  THINGS THAT WILL MAKE YOUR BRAIN HURT II: EINSTEIN'S GENERAL RELATIVITY

  WHAT RICHARD FEYNMAN KNEW ABOUT SAFECRACKING

  THE CLASSES REQUIRED FOR MIT'S B.A. IN ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING AND COMPUTER SCIENCE

  FIVE CLASSIC MACGYVER HACKS

  SIX PEOPLE WHOSE OBITUARIES WERE PUBLISHED BEFORE THEIR DEATHS

  WWF STARS OF THE 1980S

  INTERNET POKER: BY THE NUMBERS

  FINGER AMPUTATION DATA

  THE BEST COLLECTIBLES FOR INVESTMENT PURPOSES

  NINE SHADOW PUPPETS YOU CAN MAKE WITH YOUR HANDS

  BEWARE, MLB HURLERS: TED WILLIAMS MAY BE BACK

  HOMOPHONES, HOMOPHENES, HOMOGRAPHS, HOMONYMS, AND HETERONYMS

  A DIAGRAM OF THE CAFFEINE MOLECULE

  A SAM LOYD LOGIC PUZZLE

  GREAT MOMENTS IN MORK & MINDY

  THE TOOLS OF THE WORLD'S LARGEST SWISS ARMY KNIFE

  GUITAR TABLATURE FOR THE OPENING OF AEROSMITH'S “WALK THIS WAY”

  SIX UNQUESTIONABLY TRUE CONSPIRACIES

  HIGHLIGHTS OF EARLY MATHEMATICS EDUCATION

  SYMBOLISM OF THE REVERSE SIDE OF THE ONE-DOLLAR BILL

  THE QUOTABLE HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

  HOW TO HAVE SEX ON SECOND LIFE

  SUDOKU STRATEGY

  MORAL LESSONS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE MONSTERS OF THE ODYSSEY

  CAFFEINE LEVELS IN DESIGNER COFFEE

  A SAM LOYD PICTURE PUZZLE

  THREE STEPS TO SUCCESSFUL EXORCISM

  NOTABLE EMERGENCY USES OF DUCT TAPE

  THE GREAT MYTH OF THE METRIC SYSTEM

  THE SCOUTING HIERARCHY

  GREAT MOMENTS IN PRE-1980 KUNG FU MOVIES

  A BIT OF CARD-BASED MATHEMATICAL FLIMFLAMMERY

  THE CLASSIC LOGIC PROBLEM

  THE RULES OF PIG LATIN

  FIVE COOL CONSTANTS FROM THE WORLD OF PHYSICS

  FOUR GREEK MYTHS IN EXACTLY 200 WORDS

  THE 10 MOST VALUABLE COMIC BOOKS

  THE QUOTABLE CHE GUEVARA

  FIVE BRILLIANT RUSSIAN NOVELISTS YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF

  GREAT CARS IN 007 FILMS

  HOW TO MAKE AND USE A QUILL PEN

  POLTI'S 36 DRAMATIC SITUATIONS

  FIVE USEFUL PHRASES IN KLINGON

  TEN SOMEWHAT ARCANE DIAGRAMS OF PULLEY SYSTEMS

  WINE VARIETALS: GET SNOOTY QUICK

  THE BASICS OF GEOCACHING

  CONVERSION: CELSIUS TO FAHRENHEIT TO KELVIN

  A SAM LOYD LOGIC PUZZLE

  HOW TO MAKE A LASER

  SPEED READING MADE EASY

  THE 10 ALL-TIME GEEKIEST WRITERS

  SOMEWHAT ABSTRACT EMOTICONS

  ARE YOU FAT? DETERMINING BODY DENSITY THROUGH HYDROSTATIC WEIGHING

  THE FINGER CALCULATOR TRICK

  CHINESE NAMES OF POPULAR TAKE-OUT FOODS

  33 SONGS YOU CAN PLAY ON GUITAR WITH ONLY THE FOLLOWING THREE CHORDS

  THREE TWO-PLAYER PAPER-AND-PENCIL GAMES

  CLASSIC EYE-BENDERS FROM THE WORLD OF GESTALT PSYCHOLOGY

  GREAT THINKERS WHO HAVE MET TRAGICOMICALLY GRUESOME ENDS

  IMPORTANT LINKS FOR USE WITH THE SIX DEGREES OF KEVIN BACON

  AI AND THE END OF HUMAN RELEVANCE

  THANKSGIVING DINNER IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS

  APOLYTON UNIVERSITY: B.A. IN BS OR NEW-WAVE IT DEGREE?

  TWELVE HARRY POTTER SPELLS FOR USE IN DUELING

  THE SIMPLEST ELECTRIC MOTOR

  PATTERNS IN THE PERIODIC TABLE OF THE ELEMENTS

  A SAM LOYD MATHEMATICS PUZZLE

  A BIT OF PSEUDO-INCOMPREHENSIBILIA FROM A PAPER MY FRIEND WROTE

  DRAGONS IN MYTH

  SECURITIES SAVINGS ACCOUNTS: IRA VS. 401(K) VS. MUTUAL OR INDEX FUNDS VS. BONDS

  HACKING 101

  FOUR CLASSIC TYPES OF RAT MAZE

  THE PREDICTIVE POWERS OF THE IOWA ELECTRONIC MARKETS

  MANGA, ANIME, AND THE GRAPHIC NOVEL

  THE LESS-KNOWN FICTION OF J. R. R. TOLKIEN

  THE FOUR LAWS OF THERMODYNAMICS

  ROBOGAMES AND OTHER ROBOTICS COMPETITIONS

  FUN QUOTES FROM THE WORLD'S TOP DICTATORS

  COOL INVENTIONS OF THE ANCIENT CHINESE

  NASA'S CENTENNIAL CHALLENGES

  THE PREDICTIONS OF NOSTRADAMUS

  THE TRAGIC CASE OF LEE SEUNG SEOP

  MALE/FEMALE RATIO AND BAND TRIVIA FROM AMERICA'S TOP UNIVERSITIES

  FOUR PRETTY CONVINCING UFO SIGHTINGS

  STARTING PAY BY COLLEGE MAJOR

  THE MYSTERIOUS NUMBER PHI

  THE 121 CURRENT BOY SCOUT MERIT BADGES FROM MOST TO LEAST GEEKY

  THE NINE TAXONS USED TO CLASSIFY ALL LIVING THINGS

  A SAM LOYD PICTURE PUZZLE

  FIVE VERY GOOD PLACES TO EAT PIE (THE DESSERT)

  ESSENTIAL EQUATIONS: DETERMINING THE ALCOHOL CONTENT OF HOME BREW

  HEIGHT/WEIGHT CHART

  A FILM-CANISTER CANNON NEARLY GUARANTEED TO REMOVE EYEBROWS AND/OR BLOW OFF FINGERS

  COMMON PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES

  FAMOUS SWORDS OF HISTORY, MYTH, AND LEGEND

  THE THREE MOST COMPREHENSIBLE IRRATIONAL NUMBERS

  NICKTOONS AND CARTOON NET
WORK SHOWS THAT ARE PERHAPS BEST APPRECIATED BY ADULTS

  CALCULATING MONTHLY MORTGAGE PAYMENTS AND FUTURE INVESTMENT WORTH

  DECIMAL, BINARY, AND HEXADECIMAL

  ATTRACTING SEARCH ENGINE ATTENTION

  WHAT'S SO FRICKING COOL ABOUT THE HUMAN GENOME PROJECT?

  THE BENDS: RULES FOR DECOMPRESSION

  A SAM LOYD MATHEMATICS PUZZLE

  POWERFUL THINK TANKS AND THEIR IDEOLOGIES

  EVERYDAY APPLICATIONS OF QUANTUM MECHANICS

  AT-HOME EYE EXAM

  FROM THE OFFICIAL RULES OF ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS

  SIX SOMEWHAT FIENDISH CHESS PROBLEMS

  THE CLASSIC PONZI SCHEME

  POKERBOTS

  NINE KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES LIKELY ORIGINATING IN WISCONSIN

  THE FIVE CANONS OF RHETORIC

  CATCHPHRASES FOR THE MANAGEMENT OF EMERGENCY SITUATIONS

  HOW TO CREATE A DUNGEONS & DRAGONS CHARACTER

  A SAM LOYD MATHEMATICS PUZZLE

  SOMEWHAT ESOTERIC MACINTOSH KEYSTROKES

  FIVE NOT-TO-BE-MISSED TECH CONVENTIONS

  MAP: RECORDED FINDINGS OF GIANT SQUID

  THE BASICS OF NUCLEAR ENERGY

  THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM

  THE FINE ART OF THUMB TWIDDLING

  THUMBS II: WRESTLING CHEATS AND THE TWF

  HOW TO MAKE CHAIN-MAIL ARMOR

  MORSE CODE

  MECHANICS OF THE THEATRICAL FLY SYSTEM

  THE LONGEST AT-LEAST HALFWAY BELIEVABLE DESCRIPTOR FOR DESIGNER COFFEE

  THE NINE MEMBERS OF THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING

  A SAM LOYD MATHEMATICS PUZZLE

  A STRANGE THING SOMEWHAT NEAR REDMOND, WASHINGTON

  THE PETERS PROJECTION VERSUS MERCATOR MAP

  REFRACTION: HOW TO POP A CAP IN A CARP

  AHAB : MOBY-DICK ::SHIMOMURA : ________

  THREE BASIC TAP-DANCE STEPS

  TRAGICOMIC EVENTS IN THE LIFE OF FABIO

  BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID: THE CPSC'S TOP FIVE HOME HAZARDS

  TONGUE TWISTERS IN LANGUAGES OF FEWER THAN A MILLION SPEAKERS

  HOW TO WRITE YOUR NAME IN ELVISH

  CAFFEINE TOXICITY: HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

  LEGO ART

  THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD THE NASA WAY

  A SAM LOYD MATHEMATICS PUZZLE

  FOUR VERY DIFFERENT “BEST” AMERICAN BOWLING ALLEYS

  CORNELL UNIVERSITY'S “I TOUCHED CARL SAGAN” CONTEST

  FOUR RECIPES USING ONLY FLOUR, BUTTER, EGGS, MILK, AND WATER

  MOVIES FOR THE MATHEMATICALLY MINDED

  THINGS YOU WILL FIND WHEN YOU MISTYPE “MIT” INTO A SEARCH ENGINE

  BEACHES AT WHICH YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TO BE EATEN (BY SHARKS)

  THE DIGITAL PINHOLE CAMERA AND THE END OF ART

  EIGHT U.S. TOWNS WITH SEXUALLY EXPLICIT NAMES

  TWO IMPORTANT SUGGESTIONS FROM THE WORLD ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS SOCIETY'S RESPONSIBILITY CODE

  CLONE YOUR PET IN FIVE (NOT SO) EASY STEPS

  PING-PONG DIPLOMACY

  SIXTEEN CLASSIC BUSINESS AND ECONOMICS BOOKS

  THE SEVEN BEST COLLEGE PRANKS OF ALL TIME, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

  THREE BILLION-DOLLAR BUSINESSES THAT STARTED IN GARAGES

  SEVEN MUST-SEE SIGHTS ON THE GEEK WORLD PILGRIMAGE

  HOW TO LOAD A PAIR OF DICE

  IF IT FEELS GOOD, DO IT: JEREMY BENTHAM'S HEDONISTIC CALCULUS

  PENCIL-AND-PAPER ROLE-PLAYING GAMES: GENRES AND MAJOR EXAMPLES

  NOTHING BUT A GIGOLO

  SLINKY TRICKS

  A SAM LOYD MATHEMATICS PROBLEM

  GREAT FEATS OF RUBIK'S CUBISM

  CHEMICAL EQUATION PUZZLES: IF THESE ARE FUN, YOU ARE A GEEK

  BEWARE YOUR FOOD

  PHOENIX CHAMBER OF COMMERCE: “YES, BUT IT'S A DRY HEAT”

  WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HARRY ANDERSON FROM NIGHT COURT?

  ULTIMATE FREEDOM: GOING COMMANDO

  HOT WHEELS CARS RELEASED IN 1968 AND 1969

  VALUE-BASED FANTASY FOOTBALL: DEFT, NOT DAFT, IN THE DRAFT

  OH SHIT! IT'S THE SCIENCE FAIR!

  QUASIMODO: MASTER OF PERMUTATIVE GROUP THEORY

  IM AT YOUR OWN RISK

  GREAT MOMENTS IN CITIZEN JOURNALISM

  THE QUOTABLE BILL GATES

  TELEPORTATION USING EINSTEIN-PODOLSKY-ROSEN (EPR) ENTANGLEMENT

  ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS: ALTERNATE SYMBOLS

  A SAM LOYD PICTURE PUZZLE

  CARTOON WOMEN WHO HAPPEN TO BE VERY HOT

  HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF ROCKETRY'S SAFETY CODE

  THE HIDDEN HISTORY OF ICONIC SPORTS TEAM NAMES

  HYPNOSIS 101: HOW TO MAKE YOUR FRIENDS ACT LIKE CHICKENS

  80S DANCE MOVES THAT DESERVE RESURGENCE

  TOUCH-TONE TUNES: THE KEYS TO SUCCESS

  THE EVOLUTION OF LINK, THE GAMING CHARACTER

  MacGYVER WINE MAKING

  THE MATHEMATICS OF SPAM FILTERS

  PETER PIPER PICKED A KEPPLER-POINSOT POLYHEDRON PATTERN

  AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION GAGS REQUIRING PROPS IN THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW

  THE LONGEST WORDS IN MANY LANGUAGES

  CREVASSE RESCUE USING COOL PULLEYS

  ORIGAMI FROG HIGH JUMP CHALLENGE

  THREE MORE PENCIL AND PAPER GAMES

  A SAM LOYD LOGIC PUZZLE

  COFFEE ALTERNATIVES

  THE COOL THING ABOUT DIVIDING BY SEVEN

  PERSON NEVER SEEN IN THE SAME ROOM AS BATMAN

  SELECTIONS FROM THE SOCIETY FOR CREATIVE ANACHRONISM'S RULES FOR ARMED COMBAT

  THE WORLD'S WORST SOMEWHAT-MODERN NATURAL DISASTERS

  THE WORLD'S WORST SOMEWHAT-MODERN NATURAL DISASTER MOVIES

  A BRIEF HISTORY OF LASER WEAPONS

  RARE NORTH AMERICAN BIRDS AND WHERE THEY CAN BEST BE SEEN

  MARITIME SIGNAL LANGUAGE

  THE QUOTABLE XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS

  A RECORDER FINGERING CHART

  INTERESTING BITS OF EGGSHELL PHYSICS

  ALTERNATE PATHS TO SUCCESS

  SUPERHEROES, THEIR NEMESES, POWERS, SECRET BASES, AND WEAKNESSES

  THE MATHEMATICAL DEFINITION OF AN EULER BRICK

  I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S A LOOPHOLE!

  OCARINA SONGS FROM THE LEGEND OF ZELDA

  TOILET TRAIN YOUR CAT

  TURTLE ART

  THE JOYS OF FANGRAPHS.COM

  SIX STEPS TO COLLEGE ACCEPTANCE

  FOLDING INSTRUCTIONS FOR A MASSIVELY COMPLEX PAPER AIRPLANE

  ARE YOU HOT? YOUR COMPUTER KNOWS

  A SAM LOYD LOGIC PUZZLE

  THE TURING MACHINE

  A SAMPLING OF YIDDISH WORDS ADOPTED INTO THE COMMON LEXICON

  THE PROBLEM WITH SEMAPHORE

  BODY TRICKS WE LEARNED IN MIDDLE SCHOOL THAT INDUCE ZOMBIFIC POSSESSION AND/OR ALTERED STATES OF CONSCIOUSNESS AND PERCEPTION

  SLIGHTLY COMBATIVE AND/OR VIOLENT TWO-PERSON GAMES

  BECOME A BILLIONAIRE TODAY THROUGH THE POWER OF NO-LOSE BIDDING!

  THE QUOTABLE KUNG FU

  IT'S THE GREAT CIRCLE (CHARLIE BROWN)

  THE BASICS OF GOLDEN AGE GEEK BRITCOM

  THE NECESSARY HOME SAFETY DEVICES

  UNDERSTANDING THE SUBPRIME MORTGAGE DEBACLE

  FOUR PAIRS OF VELCRO SHOES AVAILABLE NEW FOR BELOW $34.99

  DEVELOPMENTAL MILESTONES

  DAVID COPPERFIELD'S ATTEMPT TO DISCOURAGE THE HUDDLED MASSES

  ODE TO NPR

  A TIMELINE IN PICTURES: BADLY BROKEN ARM

  ANOTHER LOOK AT PSEUDOSCIENCES

  THE QUOTABLE X-FILES

  THE ANSWER TO THE ULTIMATE QUESTION OF LIFE, PART I

  THE ANSWER TO THE ULTIMATE QUESTION OF LIFE, PART II

  THE 0.15 OF A TOPIC: THE ANSWER TO THE ULTIMATE QUESTION OF LIFE, PART III

  BRAINS, BRAINS!

  HOW TO PROGRAM UNIVERSAL REMOTE CONTROLS

  SINUS INFECTION, BEGONE!

  YE OLDE WEB ACRONYMS

  THE WORLDS OF NORSE MYTHOLOGY

  ARCH PHYSICS

  HOW TO TAP A MAPLE TREE AND CONDENSE SYRUP

  HOJUJITSU ROP
E RESTRAINT

  WHISTLE PHYSICS AND AIRPLANE WINGS

  SPECIES IN D&D, MIDDLE-EARTH, WINNIE-THE-POOH, AND MAGIC: THE GATHERING

  PIMP YOUR CUBICLE: FIVE MUST-HAVE GADGETS

  THE RUBE GOLDBERG MACHINE

  ELEVEN WAYS TO MAKE MONEY ONLINE

  A MASSIVELY COOL DIAGRAM OF A SYNAPSE

  A SAM LOYD SLIDING-TILE PUZZLE

  PANGRAMS IN MANY LANGUAGES

  DATING TELLS

  THE QUOTABLE FUTURAMA

  SPECIES COUNTERPOINT

  THERE IS NO EASTER BUNNY

  RACISM AND GENOCIDE IN THE MMORPG LINEAGE II

  FUTURE COOLNESS AS PROMISED BY NASA

  INFORM AND INTERACTIVE FICTION

  SPAM HAIKU

  BLINKENLIGHTS: COURTESY OF IBM, 1955

  BEER'S CONTRIBUTION TO THE FIELD OF STATISTICS

  THE ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS MATING STRATEGY OF THE SIDE-BLOTCHED LIZARD

  HEAD PICKLING THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY

  WORLD LEADERS WHO ALSO HAPPEN TO BE HOT

  APPENDIX: VERY GEEKY PUZZLE ANSWERS

  Thanks to my web of friends willing to point in the direction of splendid geekery: Rob Bentley, Jer Goldman, Louie Yang, Rich Katz, Ariel Kemp, Constance Steinkuehler, Derek Lam, Ben Sacks, Jocelyn Hendrickson, Jeremy Masters, Joe Gosen, Jamileh Jemison, Bill Pikiewicz, et al. Thanks also to my family, who weathered the perfect storm of this geekery inserted into every conversation for a year without dumping or disowning me. (Of course, much of this geekery is my family's fault, anyway.) Thanks to Julian Pavia, Philip Patrick, Carrie Thornton, Adam Korn, and the rest of the Three Rivers gang (the house with the highest geek-to-editor ratio of any major publisher). Thanks, too, to agent extraordinaire Jennifer Griffin, who leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Finally, thanks to my Labrador, Gus, for ensuring I continue to see the light of day (even if only for the time it takes him to create acidgenic bald spots on the lawn).

  Welcome to my GEEK brain.

  It has exactly 314.15 information slots. While I wish there were more slots, alas, there are not. And while I wish these slots were packed with things like mathematical proofs of Millennium Prize problems, the mechanics of teleportation using Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen entanglement, and the physics behind NASA'S new plasma propulsion engine, this is not the case either. Instead, elbowing out useful, enriching, or scientific facts are folding instructions for a jumping origami frog, lists of English words you can spell on a basic calculator, and haikus written in praise of SPAM (the pork product of questionable lineage), all of which threaten at any second to burst through my facade of normalcy like parasitic aliens from John Hurt's chest. Geek attack: Picture it. It's not pretty.

  And, for better or for worse, I'm not alone.

  Today's ubiquitous geek is like a massive musical mixing board, with various geeks turning up or turning down different dials, boosting—for example—80s pop arcana or programming languages or fantasy football stats or behavioral economics or quotes from This Is Spinal Tap (the last of which have the relevant dial turned up to 11). We don't all boost the same dials and we certainly don't appreciate being defined; however, there is one constant that applies to all brands of geek—in all of us, these dials are turned way up. In fact, our geek informational dials are turned up to the point that they sometimes drown out our ability to function smoothly in the social world; in other words, with our geek specialty of choice thumping away inside our brains at maximum decibels, things like social niceties, our wardrobes, our anniversaries, and our ability to contribute to dinner conversation without injecting weird factoids from the mating strategies of clownfish can be effectively silenced.